How to be broke All the Time

Notorious B.I.G. the King himself, told us Mo' Money Mo Problems; being broke all the time, is definitely the way to go. Let's show you how...

Tip 1: Once you receive your first salary after not having for a long time, start doing everything you watched people who had money do. E.g. pop bottles of champagne, take 24hrs Car Hire…

Tip 2: Buy all the aso-ebi’s for events so that you can be like Banky W and be in Encomium every week and so City People wouldn’t leave you alone.

Tip 3: Go for parties every weekend, and spray money to everyone who as much as looks at you.

Tip 4: Pay for everything including for someone to wash your underwear, isn’t that what people with money do?

Tip 5: Tomorrow will look after itself, so endeavor to spend your last kobo on things you don’t need before the clock strikes midnight.

Tip 6: Follow all the latest trends like buying expensive human hair, and designer shoes even though your salary can clearly not afford it.

Tip 7: Do everything wrong to make sure you’re a regular LASTMA customer…in fact, once you receive your salary, just hand it over to the first LASTMA official you see.

Tip 8: Try to impress everyone around you by making sure that you buy something new everyday, whether you need it or not.

Tip 9: Don’t give your hard-earned money to people in need o!! All those people that say Givers Never Lack don’t know what they’re talking about.

A wise person once said, "Being Broke is Childish"...nuff said!!

How to be a Business Mugu

Who wants to be a Business Mogul when you can be a Business Mugu...

Tip 1: If business is slow or just really not working for you, blame it on the weather, the market, or better still; the recession…instead of thinking that maybe you’re just not doing something right.

Tip 2: What’s the point in setting goals? They are never really actualized anyway!! Look if success would come, it would come, all this goal setting thing is not for me abeg!!

Tip 3: Do business the same way your ancestors who were trading by barter used to do it, and make sure you fight against any new way of selling your product or service.

Tip 4: It’s all about the Benjamins baby!! So get so caught up in making the paper and forget all about quality.

Tip 5: ‘The only thing that is constant is…Crisis’. So when you have crises in your businesses, instead of looking for a way forward, start commanding all your enemies to die by fire.

Tip 6: Let your response to any suggestion of risk-taking be, ‘Abeg o I no fit Shout!!’

Tip 7: Whenever you try something that fails, give up immediately; pack all your load and start heading back to the village.

Tip 8: Your business mantra should be, ‘Tomorrow’s business will come tomorrow’. So make no future plans for your business.

Tip 9: A bad guy doesn’t need to announce his presence. So as a bad guy, don’t tell anyone about your business o!! They’ll come and find you…

Now you're well on your way....

How to be a Player Hater

A player hater according to the Urban Dictionary is simply someone who talks bad about another person because that other person has got something they don’t have.

We all know the sound of a hater: ‘That girl on TV is too short, but you don’t miss her show.
‘Nigerian music is rubbish’, but you don’t stop singing along.

The hater wants to be where the person they're hating is, so will do everything possible to pull them down while they’re there!!

These are our 9 solid tips on how you can join the Haters' Club:

Tip 1: You can’t effectively player hate if you don’t know everything about the person you’re hating, so you must get your Stalker’s gear on.

Tip 2: On the flip side, refuse to understand anything about what the person is doing, but be the biggest critic. Then claim that it’s fraud or rituals when the person starts counting millions…

Tip 3: Constantly be in the face of the person you’re hating, telling them how bad they are at what they do.

Tip 4: Go and make an extensive research of everyone who is doing something similar to what the person is doing, so that when he tells you how much he’s achieved, you can show him someone who’s done more.

Tip 5: Obsess over the different ways you can make the world see that they don’t deserve to be where they are and YOU should be there.

Tip 6: When the person you’re hating makes a mistake, make sure that even people in remote villages get to hear about it.

Tip 7: Make fun of every effort the person makes to try to get ahead of their game.

Tip 8: Take the Classic Haters' Approach by picking a fight with the person whenever you come into contact with them.

Tip 9: (as given by Terry tha Rapman) Get on Facebook and whenenver you see people's status updates celebrating something, put up a snide comment!!

There you have it!! Our 9 tips on How to be a Player Hater!!

Quick Reminder though: DON'T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME!!!!

Introducing: Hater-Ade

It's the new drink that is exclusively for Player Haters!! Brought to the knowledge of the How-to Class by none other than Terry tha Rapman aka Joe Spasm!!

Terry joined us on the show today to share tips on How to be a Player Hater...

Cool down Haters, with an ice cold glass of Hater-Ade!!