How to be a Music Superstar with No Fans

Everywhere you turn to, there is a Music Superstar.

The okada guy who carried you sometime, the aboki down your road, the babe that sells you fresh agege bread in the morning, and even the Traffic Controller who uses Michael Jackson's moon walk to control traffic, are all Superstars in their minds or aspiring to be.

The mark of a true Music Superstar is in his/her fanbase...or lack of it!!

Today, we are sharing tips on How to be a Music Superstar with No Fans:

Tip 1: The first rule of this game is to be very selfish; your work MUST and I repeat MUST not have any benefit for the people who would listen to it; in other words, Sing for Yourself.

Tip 2: During a concert, throw yourself into the crowd and when they part like the Red Sea and you fall hard on the ground, stand up and fight all of them for not catching you. Being a Rock Star is a no-nonsense business o!!

Tip 3: Even if one person by mistake likes your music and tries to tell you, accuse them of mocking you and being an enemy of progress. What?? Don’t you know that some of these so-called fans are spies in disguise?

Tip 4: Release a song in which you attack the fans and tell them how foolish they are for not buying your albums, but they would instead buy all the nonsense in the industry.

Tip 5: When one fan feels sorry for you and decides to ask for your autograph just to make you happy, chase him with cutlass, asking him whether you look like you’re desperate for fans.

Tip 6: Make-up a back story for yourself that the few fans you have would eventually find out is all a lie. E.g. telling them you're the Prince of Konibaje Kingdom who gave up the throne to pursue his dream of becoming a musician. Then they'll find out there is no Konibaje Kingdom!!

Tip 7: Release lyrics that can turn anyone who listens into suicidal stalkers a la Eminem's Stan; that way, there would be no-one left to become a fan.

Tip 8: It is a taboo to have a unique style: Copy everything and everyone that is popular.

Tip 9: Finally, make it your life’s work to go around the world preaching to students like you How to be a Music Superstar with no fans.

There are our 9 solid tips...Go and become the next Music Superstar...with or without fans!!!