Notorious B.I.G. the King himself, told us Mo' Money Mo Problems; being broke all the time, is definitely the way to go. Let's show you how...
Tip 1: Once you receive your first salary after not having for a long time, start doing everything you watched people who had money do. E.g. pop bottles of champagne, take 24hrs Car Hire…
Tip 2: Buy all the aso-ebi’s for events so that you can be like Banky W and be in Encomium every week and so City People wouldn’t leave you alone.
Tip 3: Go for parties every weekend, and spray money to everyone who as much as looks at you.
Tip 4: Pay for everything including for someone to wash your underwear, isn’t that what people with money do?
Tip 5: Tomorrow will look after itself, so endeavor to spend your last kobo on things you don’t need before the clock strikes midnight.
Tip 6: Follow all the latest trends like buying expensive human hair, and designer shoes even though your salary can clearly not afford it.
Tip 7: Do everything wrong to make sure you’re a regular LASTMA customer…in fact, once you receive your salary, just hand it over to the first LASTMA official you see.
Tip 8: Try to impress everyone around you by making sure that you buy something new everyday, whether you need it or not.
Tip 9: Don’t give your hard-earned money to people in need o!! All those people that say Givers Never Lack don’t know what they’re talking about.
A wise person once said, "Being Broke is Childish"...nuff said!!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
How to be a Business Mugu
Who wants to be a Business Mogul when you can be a Business Mugu...
Tip 1: If business is slow or just really not working for you, blame it on the weather, the market, or better still; the recession…instead of thinking that maybe you’re just not doing something right.
Tip 2: What’s the point in setting goals? They are never really actualized anyway!! Look if success would come, it would come, all this goal setting thing is not for me abeg!!
Tip 3: Do business the same way your ancestors who were trading by barter used to do it, and make sure you fight against any new way of selling your product or service.
Tip 4: It’s all about the Benjamins baby!! So get so caught up in making the paper and forget all about quality.
Tip 5: ‘The only thing that is constant is…Crisis’. So when you have crises in your businesses, instead of looking for a way forward, start commanding all your enemies to die by fire.
Tip 6: Let your response to any suggestion of risk-taking be, ‘Abeg o I no fit Shout!!’
Tip 7: Whenever you try something that fails, give up immediately; pack all your load and start heading back to the village.
Tip 8: Your business mantra should be, ‘Tomorrow’s business will come tomorrow’. So make no future plans for your business.
Tip 9: A bad guy doesn’t need to announce his presence. So as a bad guy, don’t tell anyone about your business o!! They’ll come and find you…
Now you're well on your way....
Tip 1: If business is slow or just really not working for you, blame it on the weather, the market, or better still; the recession…instead of thinking that maybe you’re just not doing something right.
Tip 2: What’s the point in setting goals? They are never really actualized anyway!! Look if success would come, it would come, all this goal setting thing is not for me abeg!!
Tip 3: Do business the same way your ancestors who were trading by barter used to do it, and make sure you fight against any new way of selling your product or service.
Tip 4: It’s all about the Benjamins baby!! So get so caught up in making the paper and forget all about quality.
Tip 5: ‘The only thing that is constant is…Crisis’. So when you have crises in your businesses, instead of looking for a way forward, start commanding all your enemies to die by fire.
Tip 6: Let your response to any suggestion of risk-taking be, ‘Abeg o I no fit Shout!!’
Tip 7: Whenever you try something that fails, give up immediately; pack all your load and start heading back to the village.
Tip 8: Your business mantra should be, ‘Tomorrow’s business will come tomorrow’. So make no future plans for your business.
Tip 9: A bad guy doesn’t need to announce his presence. So as a bad guy, don’t tell anyone about your business o!! They’ll come and find you…
Now you're well on your way....
Thursday, September 3, 2009
How to be a Player Hater
A player hater according to the Urban Dictionary is simply someone who talks bad about another person because that other person has got something they don’t have.
We all know the sound of a hater: ‘That girl on TV is too short, but you don’t miss her show.
‘Nigerian music is rubbish’, but you don’t stop singing along.
The hater wants to be where the person they're hating is, so will do everything possible to pull them down while they’re there!!
These are our 9 solid tips on how you can join the Haters' Club:
Tip 1: You can’t effectively player hate if you don’t know everything about the person you’re hating, so you must get your Stalker’s gear on.
Tip 2: On the flip side, refuse to understand anything about what the person is doing, but be the biggest critic. Then claim that it’s fraud or rituals when the person starts counting millions…
Tip 3: Constantly be in the face of the person you’re hating, telling them how bad they are at what they do.
Tip 4: Go and make an extensive research of everyone who is doing something similar to what the person is doing, so that when he tells you how much he’s achieved, you can show him someone who’s done more.
Tip 5: Obsess over the different ways you can make the world see that they don’t deserve to be where they are and YOU should be there.
Tip 6: When the person you’re hating makes a mistake, make sure that even people in remote villages get to hear about it.
Tip 7: Make fun of every effort the person makes to try to get ahead of their game.
Tip 8: Take the Classic Haters' Approach by picking a fight with the person whenever you come into contact with them.
Tip 9: (as given by Terry tha Rapman) Get on Facebook and whenenver you see people's status updates celebrating something, put up a snide comment!!
There you have it!! Our 9 tips on How to be a Player Hater!!
Quick Reminder though: DON'T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME!!!!
We all know the sound of a hater: ‘That girl on TV is too short, but you don’t miss her show.
‘Nigerian music is rubbish’, but you don’t stop singing along.
The hater wants to be where the person they're hating is, so will do everything possible to pull them down while they’re there!!
These are our 9 solid tips on how you can join the Haters' Club:
Tip 1: You can’t effectively player hate if you don’t know everything about the person you’re hating, so you must get your Stalker’s gear on.
Tip 2: On the flip side, refuse to understand anything about what the person is doing, but be the biggest critic. Then claim that it’s fraud or rituals when the person starts counting millions…
Tip 3: Constantly be in the face of the person you’re hating, telling them how bad they are at what they do.
Tip 4: Go and make an extensive research of everyone who is doing something similar to what the person is doing, so that when he tells you how much he’s achieved, you can show him someone who’s done more.
Tip 5: Obsess over the different ways you can make the world see that they don’t deserve to be where they are and YOU should be there.
Tip 6: When the person you’re hating makes a mistake, make sure that even people in remote villages get to hear about it.
Tip 7: Make fun of every effort the person makes to try to get ahead of their game.
Tip 8: Take the Classic Haters' Approach by picking a fight with the person whenever you come into contact with them.
Tip 9: (as given by Terry tha Rapman) Get on Facebook and whenenver you see people's status updates celebrating something, put up a snide comment!!
There you have it!! Our 9 tips on How to be a Player Hater!!
Quick Reminder though: DON'T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME!!!!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Introducing: Hater-Ade
It's the new drink that is exclusively for Player Haters!! Brought to the knowledge of the How-to Class by none other than Terry tha Rapman aka Joe Spasm!!
Terry joined us on the show today to share tips on How to be a Player Hater...
Cool down Haters, with an ice cold glass of Hater-Ade!!
Terry joined us on the show today to share tips on How to be a Player Hater...
Cool down Haters, with an ice cold glass of Hater-Ade!!
Monday, August 24, 2009
How to be a Music Superstar with No Fans
Everywhere you turn to, there is a Music Superstar.
The okada guy who carried you sometime, the aboki down your road, the babe that sells you fresh agege bread in the morning, and even the Traffic Controller who uses Michael Jackson's moon walk to control traffic, are all Superstars in their minds or aspiring to be.
The mark of a true Music Superstar is in his/her fanbase...or lack of it!!
Today, we are sharing tips on How to be a Music Superstar with No Fans:
Tip 1: The first rule of this game is to be very selfish; your work MUST and I repeat MUST not have any benefit for the people who would listen to it; in other words, Sing for Yourself.
Tip 2: During a concert, throw yourself into the crowd and when they part like the Red Sea and you fall hard on the ground, stand up and fight all of them for not catching you. Being a Rock Star is a no-nonsense business o!!
Tip 3: Even if one person by mistake likes your music and tries to tell you, accuse them of mocking you and being an enemy of progress. What?? Don’t you know that some of these so-called fans are spies in disguise?
Tip 4: Release a song in which you attack the fans and tell them how foolish they are for not buying your albums, but they would instead buy all the nonsense in the industry.
Tip 5: When one fan feels sorry for you and decides to ask for your autograph just to make you happy, chase him with cutlass, asking him whether you look like you’re desperate for fans.
Tip 6: Make-up a back story for yourself that the few fans you have would eventually find out is all a lie. E.g. telling them you're the Prince of Konibaje Kingdom who gave up the throne to pursue his dream of becoming a musician. Then they'll find out there is no Konibaje Kingdom!!
Tip 7: Release lyrics that can turn anyone who listens into suicidal stalkers a la Eminem's Stan; that way, there would be no-one left to become a fan.
Tip 8: It is a taboo to have a unique style: Copy everything and everyone that is popular.
Tip 9: Finally, make it your life’s work to go around the world preaching to students like you How to be a Music Superstar with no fans.
There are our 9 solid tips...Go and become the next Music Superstar...with or without fans!!!
The okada guy who carried you sometime, the aboki down your road, the babe that sells you fresh agege bread in the morning, and even the Traffic Controller who uses Michael Jackson's moon walk to control traffic, are all Superstars in their minds or aspiring to be.
The mark of a true Music Superstar is in his/her fanbase...or lack of it!!
Today, we are sharing tips on How to be a Music Superstar with No Fans:
Tip 1: The first rule of this game is to be very selfish; your work MUST and I repeat MUST not have any benefit for the people who would listen to it; in other words, Sing for Yourself.
Tip 2: During a concert, throw yourself into the crowd and when they part like the Red Sea and you fall hard on the ground, stand up and fight all of them for not catching you. Being a Rock Star is a no-nonsense business o!!
Tip 3: Even if one person by mistake likes your music and tries to tell you, accuse them of mocking you and being an enemy of progress. What?? Don’t you know that some of these so-called fans are spies in disguise?
Tip 4: Release a song in which you attack the fans and tell them how foolish they are for not buying your albums, but they would instead buy all the nonsense in the industry.
Tip 5: When one fan feels sorry for you and decides to ask for your autograph just to make you happy, chase him with cutlass, asking him whether you look like you’re desperate for fans.
Tip 6: Make-up a back story for yourself that the few fans you have would eventually find out is all a lie. E.g. telling them you're the Prince of Konibaje Kingdom who gave up the throne to pursue his dream of becoming a musician. Then they'll find out there is no Konibaje Kingdom!!
Tip 7: Release lyrics that can turn anyone who listens into suicidal stalkers a la Eminem's Stan; that way, there would be no-one left to become a fan.
Tip 8: It is a taboo to have a unique style: Copy everything and everyone that is popular.
Tip 9: Finally, make it your life’s work to go around the world preaching to students like you How to be a Music Superstar with no fans.
There are our 9 solid tips...Go and become the next Music Superstar...with or without fans!!!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Wannabe Young Slangs
One of the funniest things we’ve encountered is when an elderly person is trying to appear youthful and funky by using slangs that were the ish in their day to try to blend in with the younger crowd.
They can end up saying something like ‘You’re looking jivey’!!!
I mean, who the heck says ‘jivey’ in today’s world!! LOL
Do you know of any other wannabe young slangs?
Please feel free to share…
They can end up saying something like ‘You’re looking jivey’!!!
I mean, who the heck says ‘jivey’ in today’s world!! LOL
Do you know of any other wannabe young slangs?
Please feel free to share…
How to look 10 times older than your real Age
Imagine walking into a room in which people you went to school with are present and they see you, quickly adjust their position and say ‘Good evening Sir/Ma’, even curtsying or prostrating in the process.
You look around wondering if one of your parents has followed you to this place, but there is no-one there and you realize with horror that it’s you they are greeting as they would greet an elder.
You tell them, ‘Ahn na me now, me and you share seat for Oshodi High School!!’
They argue with you that you’re just claiming to be young that the person you say you are is their age mate, but you ‘plenty regimes don change hands since you enter this world’.
Chai!!!
Anyway if that kind of thing excites you, then you’re at the right place! We have some ground-breaking tips that if practiced, will in a matter of days get you looking 10 times older than your real age.
Enjoy…
Tip 1: Why dye your hair, when you can worry? Worry the fastest way to turn grey….Worry!!
Tip 2: A wise person once said, ‘Activity isn’t always productivity’…um..did I say wise? Sorry that’s the motto for the Lazy Association of Nigeria (LAN). Any form of physical activity is dangerous to your looking ten times your real age!! So sit and stare all day!!
Tip 3: Rub bleaching creams and go out under the sun to roast!!
Tip 4: The past is only called the past because it is…well…past!! Live in the past through the clothes you wear, hairstyles you do and slangs you use…
Tip 5: Create your own wrinkles…strong your face all the time!!
Tip 6: Disapprove of everything and everyone…especially the ‘youths of today’ and let that disapproval show in your face at all times by having a permanently turned down mouth.
Tip 7: Carry all the troubles of the world on your shoulder. Hunchback is the P!!
Tip 8: This tip is for the ladies- Cover your face with 6 inches of powder, shave off all your eyebrows then draw a curved line that reaches your ears and wear lipstick that looks like war paint!! If that doesn’t get you looking ten times your age, nothing else will.
Tip 9: This last tip is for the guys: You have been called to lead the Nigerian people out of mental slavery!! So grow a Moses beard and carry a Don Jazzy stick.
Those are our 9 revolutionary tips on How to look 10 times older than your real age!!
We wonder where Miley Cyrus, singer and star of the hit TV show, Hannah Montana, who is aged 16, got her tips from.
She was recently mistaken for a 40year old woman by a shop attendant who even tried to sell her anti-wrinkle cream.
Miley Cyrus
The same woman mistook her bodyguard for her husband and her 8year old little sister for her daughter!!!
Poor Miley, see you’re not really having the best of both worlds there!!
As always, the How-to Class provides never been shared tips that will surely change your life.
Till we come again to serve you with more tips, keep being different!!!
You look around wondering if one of your parents has followed you to this place, but there is no-one there and you realize with horror that it’s you they are greeting as they would greet an elder.
You tell them, ‘Ahn na me now, me and you share seat for Oshodi High School!!’
They argue with you that you’re just claiming to be young that the person you say you are is their age mate, but you ‘plenty regimes don change hands since you enter this world’.
Chai!!!
Anyway if that kind of thing excites you, then you’re at the right place! We have some ground-breaking tips that if practiced, will in a matter of days get you looking 10 times older than your real age.
Enjoy…
Tip 1: Why dye your hair, when you can worry? Worry the fastest way to turn grey….Worry!!
Tip 2: A wise person once said, ‘Activity isn’t always productivity’…um..did I say wise? Sorry that’s the motto for the Lazy Association of Nigeria (LAN). Any form of physical activity is dangerous to your looking ten times your real age!! So sit and stare all day!!
Tip 3: Rub bleaching creams and go out under the sun to roast!!
Tip 4: The past is only called the past because it is…well…past!! Live in the past through the clothes you wear, hairstyles you do and slangs you use…
Tip 5: Create your own wrinkles…strong your face all the time!!
Tip 6: Disapprove of everything and everyone…especially the ‘youths of today’ and let that disapproval show in your face at all times by having a permanently turned down mouth.
Tip 7: Carry all the troubles of the world on your shoulder. Hunchback is the P!!
Tip 8: This tip is for the ladies- Cover your face with 6 inches of powder, shave off all your eyebrows then draw a curved line that reaches your ears and wear lipstick that looks like war paint!! If that doesn’t get you looking ten times your age, nothing else will.
Tip 9: This last tip is for the guys: You have been called to lead the Nigerian people out of mental slavery!! So grow a Moses beard and carry a Don Jazzy stick.
Those are our 9 revolutionary tips on How to look 10 times older than your real age!!
We wonder where Miley Cyrus, singer and star of the hit TV show, Hannah Montana, who is aged 16, got her tips from.
She was recently mistaken for a 40year old woman by a shop attendant who even tried to sell her anti-wrinkle cream.
Miley Cyrus
The same woman mistook her bodyguard for her husband and her 8year old little sister for her daughter!!!
Poor Miley, see you’re not really having the best of both worlds there!!
As always, the How-to Class provides never been shared tips that will surely change your life.
Till we come again to serve you with more tips, keep being different!!!
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